My Love of a Certain Dope
by Transylvanian Mockingjay
Summary: A possible three-shot involving Eddie and Columbia's first attempt at a "date" outside of the Frankenstein Place, one month after they begin seeing one another. Columbia is going to perform a tap routine in a local variety show with Eddie in the audience. Will Frank find out and stop them? Rated T to be safe, I own nothing. R&R please! :D
1. A Pretty Good Team

**Greetings once again, Earthlings! This is my very first attempt at a RHPS multi-chap. It was supposed to be a one-shot, but now I think it will be at least a three-shot. I wanted to write some Eddie and Columbia since I primarily ship her with him (though I can't resist a little bit of Frank in the beginning and even some Riff-I can't help it; she's so shippable!) So here it is-reviews would be greatly appreciated! I've only written for each of them very briefly in my music shuffle challenge, which had little dialogue and no real concept to it. Even though the genres are "Drama" and "Romance", there is some humor too. There will be some Frank later on and possible Riff and Magenta. Oh, and I got stumped for a title, which is what resulted in the lyrics from Rose Tint My World. I own nothing; all characters belong to the wonderful Richard O' Brien! **

With one quick circling motion around her head, Columbia sprayed the fine mist from her large can of hairspray evenly throughout her reddish-pink bob to hold it in place. She carefully went to secure the cap back on when her elbow knocked the palette of purple eye shadow to the tiled floor with a loud clatter. "Shoot!" She seethed through her teeth, retrieving it quickly and taking a second to make sure there were no footsteps outside. Finally able to relax, she turned to applying her lipstick. Moments later, a loud knock at the bathroom door jerked her hand upward in a nervous reaction and smeared the orangey color up onto the tip of her nose. She quickly covered her mouth and tried not to breathe too heavily, certain that she would hear Frank's voice come booming through the paneling any second, demanding to be let in. But her fears were soon alleviated when a much softer and American-accented voice whispered instead.

"Columbia? You in there?"

She sighed in relief and slowly turned the knob on the bathroom door, opening it to find Eddie, her accomplice in this plan, and of course; secret admirer from the Frankenstein Place. Tonight was huge for her. She would be performing a tap routine for a variety show at a dance hall in Denton, and Eddie planned to come and watch. If Frank knew any of this, he would be enraged and put a stop to it immediately. It was the first time they had attempted any kind of "date" outside the castle walls.

"Eddie, look what you made me do! I thought we agreed on a code knock! You scared me half to death!"

Eddie tried to hide his smirk upon seeing her smeared lipstick.

"Sorry dollface", he mused while reaching out a thumb to carefully wipe the excess lipstick away. "But you know, ya still looked foxy anyway", he adds with a sly wink. Columbia blushes, thankful to have already applied her heavy rouge. "Aw, you big hunk, come here!" She can't help but hide the slight squeal to her voice this time, even while whispering, and grabs hold of Eddie's ivory scarf as he cups the back of her neck. Their lips meet for a soft, but deep- and quiet- kiss. As they pull away, Columbia now stifles her own laughter, realizing she has left quite a bit of the fresh orangey tint on Eddie's mouth in the process.

"What?" he asks, eyebrows raised.

Columbia slowly opens the bathroom door so that he can see his reflection in the mirror.

"Consider it payback!" She whispers playfully as she grabs a tissue and begins to wipe it off.

"'Lumbia, I can't get past Frank with your lipstick on!" Eddie hisses, now concerned and trying to help her wipe with another tissue lying on the sink.

Columbia momentarily furrows her brow in worry, but succeeds in helping remove the color.

"There, it's all gone. See?" She motions back to the mirror, where they both automatically glance at their reflection. Eddie sighs in relief, and runs a hand through his outermost wave of coiffed jet-black hair for good measure. Columbia is relieved to find that her black silk bathrobe is still tied tightly enough to hide her costume for the big show later on. She didn't want Eddie seeing it beforehand. She hooks her arm in his and leans her head against his leather jacket sleeve, still staring straight ahead at the couple before her.

"We make a pretty good team, dontcha' think?" She inquires with a slight and brief smile, not breaking eye contact from her reflection.

Eddie stares for a second at the tiny young woman next to his hulking frame and her distant expression. She almost seems sad. And he knows why. The circumstances between them were anything but ideal. It wasn't exactly orthodox for two essential prostitutes being used and paid by the same person to date each other, much less have to sneak around in between these frequent sessions past the extremely cunning duo that was Riff Raff and Magenta. Eddie had his own room on the second floor, so he had it much easier than Columbia-she was always making excuses for leaving her and Magenta's room early or arriving late; usually saying that Frank had requested her presence or had kept her much longer than he had planned. Eddie wondered if the Domestic actually believed it. Columbia was not a good liar. And Eddie avoided Magenta and her brother like the plague, usually only seeing them at dinner and struggling to not make eye contact. But he and Columbia had devised a system that worked-so far, anyway. It was to their advantage that the castle was so monstrous and had eight floors, each with several rooms, and stairs that lead to each floor, which alleviated the noise caused by taking the elevator. So far, they had never met in the same place twice. They came up with strict rules for these meetings: only whispering (which, unfortunately had put a halt to many a romantic advance; but it had only been a month, after all-and the constant string of foreplay seemed to make their involvement even _more_ intimate and anticipatory), no personal belongings left anywhere or with the other, and always change clothes; if not shower as well, after leaving. This made sure that Frank wouldn't be able to detect the scent of either of them on the other at any time in the future. They had thought of everything.

Eddie snaps back to reality and turns to face his best-kept secret. "The best," he says as hid hands move down to her hips and pull her into his chest, her arms squeezing around his back in a tight embrace. Soon his hands go even further and he lifts her up to bring her to eye level. Columbia can't help but squeal slightly as she wraps her legs around his back and arms around his neck. Their foreheads meet, knowing that the debacle with her lipstick was enough to almost cause suspicion.

"Are ya suuure you don't want me to see that costume yet doll?" Eddie begs with the tone of an impatient child.

"I'm sure! Wait until the show, huh?" Columbia smilingly whispers as she pulls back to speak to his pouty expression. "You're gonna love it", she adds with a wink.

"Oh, I never doubted that, babe!" Eddie says with raised eyebrows as he leans back in. He carefully presses a kiss to the side of her neck, then her jawline, her cheek, her ear, and finally, her forehead as she sighs in delight. "You're gonna knock 'em dead out there," He says sincerely as he lowers her back to the ground in her sock feet, glancing over at the sparkly tap shoes sitting in the corner, waiting to come to life.

"But first I have to finish getting ready!" Columbia insists, holding up her gold reflective tube of lipstick before turning to re-apply it. Eddie watches her precision application for a moment, taking in her beauty. When she finishes, she looks up to find that he has vanished. Confused, she sticks her head cautiously out of the opening into the narrow, dimly lit hallway and sees him, leaning casually against the door frame and holding a bouquet of a dozen pink roses sprinkled with multicolored glitter. Perfect for her.

Columbia gasps slightly and her eyes widen at the sight. "Eddie….they're beautiful!" She puts a hand to her chest and blinks back any tears that threaten to surface. No guy had ever gotten her flowers before. Not even Frank, back when she was a person to him and not just a toy. But she didn't want to look like a sap in front of the king of cool.

"Thank you!" She exclaims as quietly as possible while tentatively taking the bouquet, as if it might disappear into thin air if she touched it. "But I thought we agreed no presents? To be safe?" She asks.

Eddie runs a hand through that same lock of hair and shrugs. "I know, but I couldn't let my starlet go on tonight without a good luck gift!" Columbia looks at the floor, blushing again, incredulous at how utterly sweet her tough, biker, rock-n-roll boyfriend was being. But…was he really her boyfriend? He had never referred to himself as so, or to her as anything but Columbia, 'Lumbia, or any of the plethora of pet names he used frequently. So…what were they?

Columbia snapped out of her wondering trance and smiled back down at the flowers, smelling them. "I'll hide these somewhere in one of the back rooms, okay? I'd take 'em with me and show 'em off, but I don't wanna drop any petals." Eddie nodded and the pair stood silent for an awkward moment, looking around at nothing in particular. "Well..." Columbia started. "I'll see you in an hour, okay? Make sure to come in the back way at the hall. And remember, if you see Frank, Magenta, or Riff on the way out-"

Eddie then cut her off. "-Tell them I'm going to fix the pickup truck like Frank asked me to a month ago. Have to take it to a mechanic. Friend of mine."

"Right," Columbia nods. And what about me?

"I saw you earlier in passing and you were really sick. Something catching. You're gonna bed up in one of these rooms up here tonight."

"Exactly", she says. "Frank is terrified of human illnesses."

Eddie glances down the hall at the dusty clock on the peeling wallpaper. If it's correct, it is now 8:37. With a slight sigh, he glances down at his Columbia, cradling the flowers like a baby.

"You'd better get going. Don't leave anything in there. And hide those good," he says, gesturing to the bouquet. "Uh…break a leg, or whatever it is you stage people say," he adds sheepishly, taking her hand in his. "See you up there, doll." He presses a kiss to the back of her hand and turns to go.

"Wait!" Columbia whisper-yells." Eddie turns back around just in time for her to attach to him like a leech, hugging tightly. "Be careful!"

"I will", Eddie responds. He absent-mindedly leans down for a kiss.

"Lipstick!" Columbia exclaims, earning a signature groan from her leather-clad prince. She giggles lightly. "Later, I promise." Eddie smiles down at her as she turns to go clean up the bathroom and blows him a kiss.

"Later", he echoes, sliding around the corner and heading to the top of the stairs. All he had to do now was get out of the house safely and over to the dance hall. And make sure Columbia did the same. Tonight was so special to her. It would be easy…right?


	2. The Escape

**I'm back, Earthlings! Sincerest apologies for the extreeeemely long wait on this chapter; it has been an insane semester in college and I've finally found some time to plan out the next part of our little saga and get it going. A million billion trillion THANK YOU's to those of you who reviewed my last chapter and wanted to read more! So now, without further ado and no more antici…pation, I present Chapter Two. Hope you enjoy!**

**(Oh, and side note: Magenta's lines have "V's" in place of "W's" to emphasize her accent; if this is a major annoyance please let me know and I will write further Magenta stuff normally! Just thought it would help with her characterization). **

Eddie reached the last five steps of the long staircase and triumphantly jumped onto the banister, sliding down its remaining length and sticking the landing; biker boots planted into the filthy plush carpet of the second floor hallway. He was rounding the small corridor that led to the fire escape, which would provide a much easier route out of the castle than the first floor exits, when he slammed into the back of Magenta; who was furiously trying to uncoil a vacuum cleaner cord.

The two let out simultaneous sounds of surprise as Magenta was knocked to the ground knees-first and Eddie nearly toppled the vacuum cleaner over on top of her. He hurriedly grabbed it and stood it back up as the Domestic pushed herself up and spun around to face him; glaring daggers.

"YOU IMBECILE! VATCH VERE YOU'RE GOING!" She thundered, standing at the tallest her heels would allow in comparison to his height. Eddie begun to break out in a cold sweat at the sight before him; worried about the otherworldly maid foiling his plan and slightly terrified at the spectacle she was creating. If her equally intimidatingly odd brother were nearby, there would surely be trouble. Not that Eddie couldn't easily take a hunchbacked worm like him in a fight, but Frank would never stand for it and Eddie would be kicked out. His temper had not served him well over the years.

"S-sorry about that, uh, Magenta-didn't see you there", he stuttered while running a hand through his hair and mussing it slightly. It was the first time he had ever even used her name and their first real conversation; as she had simply glared those black hole eyes at him the first day he carried luggage into the castle.

"Won't happen again. You, uh, need any help with that?" he asked, gesturing to the mangled vacuum cord and hoping to save some face.

Magenta gritted her teeth and defensively snatched up the cord.

"No, I do not. Now get out of my vay."

Eddie nodded obediently and shuffled past the Domestic as quickly as possible, briskly walking down the long hallway en route to the fire escape. He remembered what he was supposed to tell Magenta or her brother about his and Columbia's whereabouts, but she clearly didn't care to ask and therefore he thought it better to just leave. He was already around the next corner when Magenta grabbed the handle of the vacuum and noticed a glittery orange residue from where Eddie's thumb had earlier smeared the makeup that came from a certain Groupie's nose.

Meanwhile, Columbia had just finished gathering the remains of her makeup kit and had wiped any stray powder out of the sink in the bathroom. She stuffed her tap shoes and the makeup case into her large tote bag and carefully cracked the door open, checking for signs of her alien housemates. When the coast seemed to be clear, she sighed in relief and clicked off the bathroom light, closing the door behind her. She was halfway down the hall, on the way to the first floor's kitchenette door that would lead to the woods behind the castle, and, eventually the uptown part of Denton; when she realized in horror that she had left the bouquet of flowers resting on the edge of the bathtub in plain sight. She turned and started to double back when Riff Raff appeared at the top of the stairs, shuffling towards said bathroom with disinterest, and much closer than she.

"Riff!" She squeaked, snapping the Handyman out of his permanent zoned-out state and forcing him to acknowledge the rapidly approaching Groupie.

Rif sighed slightly and stopped just before the door.

"Yes, Col_u_m-bia?" he asked, emphasizing the last two syllables of her name.

"Are you going in there?" She asked, pointing to the door with a great amount of worry on her heavily made-up face.

"Yes, in fact I am; you see the master has demanded that all of the light bulbs in each bathroom be changed to red bulbs so that he may be reminded of home," he drawls as Columbia noticed the box of light bulbs under his arm.

"Er…that's, uh, great Riff, but I wouldn't go in there if I were you. I've been feelin' kinda sick and I think I coughed some human germs all over the sink. I was just going back in to clean 'em off", Columbia explained at rapid fire pace; ending her little spiel with an overdramatic series of coughs in the other direction. Some liar she was! 

Riff inquisitively raised one eyebrow at the Groupie.

"Columbia, how many times have we explained to you that human illnesses cannot be contracted by Transylvanians? The master may be…paranoid, but nevertheless my sister and I have told you the truth."

Columbia felt the blush rising in her hot cheeks and began to bite on her lower lip, trying her hardest to think up another excuse to get Riff out of her way. Currently, she could only think of the silly tactic she had seen on sitcom television shows in which one character causes another to step into a room or closet in search of something, only to have the door slammed and locked behind them. That, of course, was no option in this case as it would only cause Riff to make a commotion and Frank to find out and become enraged, with some sort of punishment for Columbia later on. No, that definitely wouldn't do.

Columbia took on a sweeter and less frantic tone as she spoke.

"Riff, you have enough work to do without cleaning up the bathroom too…and you know Frankie will want it cleaned when he hears I'm sick!" She punctuates her last few words with more dramatic coughing.

"Let me change the light bulb and you can move on to the next bathroom", she offered; reaching into his box to grab a dusty red bulb before Riff could pull the box away.

Not wanting to get further caught up in whatever the bathrobe-clad girl was hiding; Riff shifted slightly and looked Columbia straight in the eyes for the first time in their entire encounter.

"Very well then, Columbia. Thank you for the…assistance."

Riff started to shuffle past her when Columbia blocked his path and briefly threw her arms around his neck for an incredibly awkward and one-sided hug, in which she squeezed tightly and drew back to let go; sure she had heard at least one of his joints pop.

"You're welcome Riff!" She squeaked, obviously more relaxed and at ease now that her plan had seemingly worked.

"I'm 'gonna sleep up here tonight in case Frankie asks," she declared, happy that at least one part of her and Eddie's lie had hopefully checked out; though she wondered if he had had to use his excuse of taking the pickup truck to a mechanic.

Riff took a second to re-compose himself after the odd display of affection and managed almost a third of a smile at the Groupie as he nodded and finally made it past her to the elevator.

Columbia hurriedly slid back into the bathroom with a sigh.

"Whew! That sure was close!" she mused, gently gathering the bouquet in her arms and almost turning the knob when she remembered the bulb in her hand. With a slight groan, Columbia set down her things and turned off the light, only to realize it was too dark to see what she was doing. She cracked the door open slightly to gain some light and went to unscrew the old bulb, drawing back when it burned her fingers briefly. Soon enough, the red bulb was miraculously screwed in and casted an uncomfortable bloody glow on the room. She examined her face in the mirror; hair and lips blending in with the rest of the light in the room.

"Gee, how many Groupies does it take to screw in a light bulb?" she mused as she flipped off the switch again and gathered everything-including the flowers-and rushed into a nearby bedroom. There, she found a random dust-covered liquor cabinet in the corner and shoved the bouquet inside, trying to hide it behind the glass bottles of whiskey and scotch. It would only take a little creative searching for someone to find it, but what were the odds? It would have to do. Columbia carefully closed the cabinet and rushed back to the hallway, padding down the corridor in her sock feet and taking four flights of stairs to reach the first floor kitchenette. When the coast was clear, she burst out into the warm night, hurriedly securing her tap shoes and sprinting through the wooded terrain towards The Denton Deluxe; for this one little shot at Eddie getting a glimpse of her favorite thing in the world.

**Chapter Three should be on its way ASAP! I'm hoping to get this story moving along much faster and in the end, it should have a total of maybe 6 to 8 chapters. I tend to get long-winded when I write and get too caught up in details and dialogue, so making this a two or three shot would have just resulted in gigantic chapters. I know this one wasn't ridiculously exciting, but that should change soon! Please let me know what you think!**


	3. Cat and Mouse

**Dearest Earthlings, may I present Chapter Three! *Broken applause* this is my first time writing for Frank (other than in my Music Shuffle Challenge) so feedback on him would be lovely! It's also my first time writing Riffgenta dialogue, and the misspelling of Magenta's lines to indicate accent will also be used (somewhat sparingly as it comes and goes) again, since no one found it too difficult to read last time. THANK YOU to those who have reviewed so far; you have truly kept this tale going! **

Three grayish smoke rings floated deliriously above the volume of black curly hair on Frank n' Furter's head, donned with a tiara made of spiky iridescent shells from the shores of Transsexual, for no particular purpose other than it had struck his fancy to be worn. It had been a slow and unsuccessful day in the lab, as Frankie's ideas continued not to come to fruition; which led him to the comforts of the Zen Room. The hookah was only preoccupying his short attention span for a mere fraction of an hour, and soon his mind wandered to what a certain Groupie of his was up to. He lazily reached for the switch on the nearby television monitor, first hitting a purple button and then drawing the switch downward. Soon, he was presented with a view of Magenta and Columbia's messy room.

"Oh, Columbia? Columbia? Where for art thou, Columbia?" he purred, knowing that the girl couldn't resist his attempts at ripping off sappy Earthling literature. Silence and the emptiness of the room was the only answer back, and with its size; he had to assume that neither she nor Magenta were present. For good measure, he called out to the Domestic in a rather different tone.

"MAGENTA! Are you there? Are you purposely ignoring me? Where is my Groupie?" he demanded, hoping that a brooding Magenta would appear and help to re-assert his dominance. However, the same view he was presented with before only stared back.

With a "Hmph" of displeasure, Frank threw the switch back into place and swung his fishnet-clad legs over the chaise lounge, bright orange stilettos meeting the floor. He stood and smoothed down the tulle of his matching orange-and-white gingham halter dress, stomping out of the room.

"But of course, Magenta is hard at work on one of the top floors. And leave it to that little mouse of mine to lead me on a hunt around the castle just to attain some pleasure," he mused out loud while throwing the gate on the elevator closed. But as Columbia knew, if she were the mouse in the equation; Frank would always be the cat. If only he knew how unsuccessful this particular hunt would be…

Meanwhile, Magenta's lacking cleaning efforts had slowly dragged her to the fifth floor, in which she was supposed to make checks on all twelve bedrooms. Since Frank had been uncharacteristically vague concerning what specifically she was to clean, she decided to do the bare minimum and end her night the way she usually preferred: with half a bottle of Transylvanian alcohol and the moon overlooking her brother's balcony as she anxiously awaited the completion of his duties. As she reached the seventh room down the hall, where she hid her stash, she noticed the odd smell of perfume hazing over the atmosphere. _Columbia's _perfume; unmistakably so. She raised an eyebrow and slowly turned the knob, entering to find no trace of the girl. Wondering why and when she was there, the Domestic crossed to the liquor cabinet and opened it with what bordered on delight; intending to hide a bottle somewhere on her makeshift cleaning cart.

Pulling out the least-dusty inhabitant of the cabinet, the rustling paper underneath caught the low light of the room and soon revealed itself to be a wrapped bouquet of flowers. Magenta's curiosity led her to remove it, furrowing her brow at the sight of the hot pink debacle of foliage before her; almost too blinding to look at. She turned the package over in her hands, searching for a tag of some kind to indicate a recipient, but found none. In the process, a sprinkling of the multicolored glitter lighted onto her black tights, eliciting a low growl from the Domestic as she hurriedly stood and made her way into the hall, clutching the bouquet and half-walking, half stopping to hastily rub off the infuriating sparkles. Although she suspected they were the doing of either Frank or Columbia, she made her way to the sixth floor to consult with her brother.

Riff only had eight more bulbs to go, and had determined the coast was clear enough to sit in the hallway for a moment and rest. The last sight he had expected to see was his sister flying up the stairs at top speed, clutching what appeared to be a package of earth flowers. She caught sight of him and raced forward, tripping on a snag in the carpet and tumbling forward onto his lap. High-heeled boots were beginning to look less appealing as work shoes at this point.

"Magenta! What is going on?" Riff seethed, helping her up and taking the strange package in his hands.

Magenta caught her breath and gestured to the flowers. "I suspect the master or Columbia has attained zese for some purpose. I found zem in the liquor cabinet…_our _liquor cabinet. Strange, no?"

Riff Raff's eyes traveled down to the arrangement once again, and slowly; a mischievous smile that he reserved only for Magenta played on his lips.

"Why, my dear sister, I thought surely you would have figured this out…they're a gift from me to you", Riff managed to say without snickering.

Magenta's eyes widened at both the thought of her brother obtaining such an overtly feminine earthling…_gift _for her and also the thought of insulting her love if in fact he had. But under what circumstances? Had he gone completely mad?

"Oh…Riff…I didn't…_you_ didn't…."

Amused enough at his sister's bewilderment, Riff finally allowed himself to snicker at the sight of her. "Magenta, relax! I was only making a joke. I know very well what kinds of material things you like."

Magenta snatched up the bouquet and smacked her brother on the arm, sending petals and a tiny cloud of glitter flying in his direction. "You…I can't believe you!" She began to yell jokingly, laughing on her own as she noted the glitter all over her brother's shirt when he leaned forward to bury his face in her neck. They were so preoccupied that they didn't notice Frank's approach; out of breath even from mostly using the elevator and tapping one foot on the hardwood floor impatiently. He settled on clearing his throat for emphasis.

Riff immediately drew back and tried to appear diligent, and Magenta grabbed the bouquet from his hands to present to Frank, hoping to distract him from any anger over their lack of attention to job duties.

"What, pray tell, is _that_?" Frank asked, leaving the two unsure if he was unfamiliar with the concept of earth flowers or if he was simply questioning its purpose in his castle.

"Ve vere going to ask you the same thing", Magenta explained. "Are zey not for Columbia?"

Frank threw back his head in a scoff, as if the idea of him giving Columbia a present was downright ludicrous. Once upon a time, it wasn't.

"_No," _he said through gritted teeth, taking it from the Domestic's hands curiously. "And speaking of Columbia, where exactly has she disappeared to?" he probed with glaring eyes.

"I spoke with her earlier, master. She claimed illness and insisted upon sleeping in a room on the fifth floor so as not to alarm you," Riff droned.

Frank's red mouth pursed like a lemon. "_That _is impossible. I checked each and every inch of each and every floor. I only returned to the sixth from upstairs when I heard the two of you talking."

Riff and Magenta exchanged a glance as if to say "Well, it was nice knowing her" when Frank spoke up again.

"Come to think of it…have either of you seen our _wonderful _ex-delivery boy this evening, while we are on the subject of missing persons?"

Magenta stole a guilty glance at her brother before speaking up. "Well, ze oaf nearly plowed over me on his vay down the hall. I haven't seen him since".

"Oh _re_-ally?" Riff inquired with that subtle look of murder on his face, feigning an implied ability to actually address this occurrence with Eddie at a later date.

Frank's black-coated eyes widened as he began to put two and two together. How had he not realized it until now? Their stolen glances over the divide of the dinner table, their inconvenient disappearances when he was trying to obtain one or the other for a quick rendezvous, the way that each seemed to be putting the utmost effort into their appearances, especially Eddie…they were _seeing _one another. And tonight, they had left the castle together. For what? For good?

Magenta and Riff Raff seemed to realize this themselves the more they took in Frank's contemplative state, and silence enveloped the hallway for a good ten seconds.

With a sharp intake of breath, Frank addressed his servants; trying to suppress his rage. "I will be going into Denton tonight for an indeterminate amount of time, and do not expect my return to be prompt. Continue with your duties as scheduled!" He boomed, turning daintily on one heel and making a mad dash past the elevator, as desperate times called for taking eight flights of stairs in stilettos to get to the truck as quickly as possible.

The siblings stood in awe for the next few moments until they heard the engine roar outside. Riff turned to his sister with that familiar smirk. "Who might have guessed that the combined I.Q. of the likes of them could have outsmarted the master?" He mused, almost laughing in the process.

Magenta could only frown angrily as was common for her. "They'd better hope that he doesn't find them. There vill be hell to pay. And I care not to witness it," she added somewhat gravely. As indifferent as she was concerning Eddie, Columbia was the closest thing she had to a friend, even if she dared not admit it to the Groupie thus far.

Riff seemed to take in his sister's near-concern as his arms snaked their way around her waist, a devilish glare forming. "Did you also hear the master say an _indeterminate _amount of time?"

**Okay, I know what you're thinking: 1) this seemed like yet again another transitioning chapter, and 2) when did this story become Riffgenta and not Edlumbia? But have no fear, I can definitely promise some drama next time and more Columbia and Eddie! Also, I'm not sure if the exchange between Riff and Magenta was funny or just weird; but then again, **_**they're **_**weird, so I guess it just came out that way, haha. Reviews are appreciated!**


	4. The Perseverance of Earthlings

**Okay Earthlings, it's been nearly 6 months since I've updated (this school year was just insane and my creative energy had been zapped, ugh) but I hope this chapter makes up for it! The stuff that happens in this one is what gave me the idea for the entire story in the first place. Enjoy, and R&amp;R if you please! **

Eddie haphazardly parked Frank's truck in the grassy area of cars next to The Denton Deluxe, sliding out and giving the weatherworn front façade a familiar glance. Long before his delivery boy days, the Deluxe was one of the first joints he and his buddies used to loiter around, watching local performances and drinking underage to their hearts' content. It wasn't *the* cruddiest place around, but it wasn't classy either. The neon sign flickered as he neared the entrance, eyes darting cautiously around. He reached for the door just as it flew open and deposited a square-looking couple past him onto the gravel, who had been flung into the night by a group of rowdy-looking twenty-somethings.

"Oh, Brad, what did I tell you about drawing attention to yourself?" the woman whined, struggling to stand and brush off her polka-dot skirt.

"Janet, _please, _is it really my fault these ruffians don't know how to Madison?"

The woman called Janet helped him up as they began to make their way out towards the grass, Brad threatening to go back and "teach those punks a lesson" as he furiously rubbed the dirt off his glasses.

Eddie scoffed at the sight and suddenly had a moment of clarity: the _back _entrance. Columbia wanted him to go through there instead! It wasn't looking like such a bad idea at this point, he decided. He made a quick parameter check once again and then casually made a beeline for the rear of the building. Seeing no one around and finding the only door to be unlocked, he pushed it open and found himself at the edge of the stage left fly rail. The audience wasn't far away, and with some creative sneaking, he found himself at an estranged highboy table with an excellent view of the stage. That was at least half the battle…right?

Meanwhile, Columbia had just deposited her bag at the end of the row of lighted mirrors in the women's makeup room backstage. She was trying to stay out of everyone's way and feeling her nerves and paranoia at the whole "sneaking out on Frank so Eddie could watch her tap dance" situation begin to rattle. Securing her tap shoes and finally removing her bathrobe, she spotted the owner of the Deluxe, Manny, flipping through papers on a clipboard and struggling to read it through the smoke clouds from his gigantic cigar.

"Manny!" She whisper-yelled, tip-tapping over to him and trying to get a look at the top sheet in between coughs. "When do I go on?"

Manny looked her up and down a little too long before nodding down at the clipboard. "You're the tapper, huh toots? Yeah, I remember your audition."

Columbia nodded eagerly as he chuckled. Said "audition" had occurred when she had run into the scuzzy old geezer while out doing grocery shopping for Frank and just so happened to be wearing her tap shoes to do so.

"You're on third, so right after that derelict brother of mine's magic act. Don't miss your cue and don't embarrass me, okay?"

"Oh I won't sir, you can count on me!" Columbia grinned as Manny slid past, chuckling at her enthusiasm and smacking her rear briefly. Columbia yelped slightly and tip-tapped past a bunch of tall, Rockette-wannabe looking dancers who giggled at the scene. Her moment in the spotlight was coming, and she needed to put all of her focus into this dance. She retrieved her favorite gold top hat from her bag, found an empty corner of the backstage hallway, and practiced one more time, hoping Eddie had made it in.

The group of stoners outside the Deluxe were not prepared for a beat-up motorcycle to come crashing through the bush next to them, slam into the bumper of a station wagon (thus tearing it off) and spin back around before being parked and turned off, only for the cloud of dust to clear and reveal its driver to be a woman with curly black hair in a dress, high heels, and full biker helmet. The group began to applaud wildly and whistle, the burliest of them stepping forward and extending a hand to the mystery girl.

"Say sugar, you're gonna need some lessons if you plan on stealin' your daddy's bike."

Frank pulled the helmet off and shook out his hair, turning to face the burnout and his friends, whose faces turned immediately from amusement to shock. Before he could move, Frank took hold of the leader's hand and used it to steady himself as he swung his other leg over the bike.

"Tempting, I must say, but I'm afraid I'm here on official business. Have any of you fine specimens seen a small redheaded earthling or a rather large one in a leather jacket?" He asked as he pulled a cigarette and lighter out of his makeshift cleavage. It was too dark and there were too many cars and trucks for him to discern his own in the grassy lot.

The group now switched to confusion as the main stoner fumbled around with a "No, sorry" and nearly fell over another bike behind him as he turned angrily on his friends, who were now laughing at him. Frank's realization at their uselessness in his mission brought back his livid mood as he stomped past them and flung open the front door of the Deluxe, just in time for the tail end of the Rockette-wannabe dance number, which unsurprisingly caught his eye. With the volume of people in the joint mixed with the smoky air and low lighting, he couldn't see Eddie up front. But something told him they were both there, and he needed to stick around until he could find an earthling with a lick of sense to let him know what was going on here. A few onlookers stared as he pushed past them to sit at a highboy table and watch the spectacle before him, which was currently Manny's brother failing to find the "magic key" that could unlock his handcuffs as the crowd began to "boo" and heckle. Frank scoffed and turned his attention to eyeing a hunk of a waiter as the emcee shuffled the horrible magician offstage and dropped a few notecards trying to introduce the next act. Frank was still fixated on the waiter for the first few seconds of music, but he was promptly snapped to attention when the all-too-familiar sound of tapping fell on his ears.

A single spotlight was fixed on a lone char in the center of the stage. As the song began with a few sharp piano notes, Columbia spun into the light and placed a foot up on the chair, one hand holding her top hat in front of her face and the other running down her thigh. A few people in the crowd "whooped" in approval, probably expecting a burlesque number or a striptease. But soon after she spun out again and raised one arm in time with the music to rest on her chest, the lights went to full and her top hat traveled to her head as the music picked up and the tapping began.

It was a tough routine and had taken her weeks to execute properly. Eddie was caught between focusing on her skill at the form of dance and her outfit. She was wearing a shiny electric purple off-the-shoulder crop top that was tied into a knot at the bottom and had gold sequins all over it in a polka-dot pattern, as well as gold shorts and matching purple socks poking out of her tap shoes. She was more than a spectacle or a stage-stealer, she was radiant.

The crowd began to mumble and show their disinterest around the middle of the first chorus, but Eddie and now Frankie were engrossed in the performance. While Frank was fuming, he felt glued to his seat, unable to tear his cruel eyes away from his groupie. His mind traveled back to all those early mornings and late nights filled with that maddening tapping of hers, and all the times he and the others yelled at her for following them around while doing so. Except for Eddie. He distinctly remembered a time that he had stumbled into the dayroom at the crack of dawn, drunkenly searching for Riff or Magenta to clean up a broken mirror from the previous night's escapades with a fly-by-night prostitute. What he had found instead was Columbia sitting on the floor with Eddie, rubbing her ankle and insisting that she couldn't stop until she "got it perfect". Despite the biker's urging at her to go to bed and reminders that she had been at it all night, she shoved him away and half-limped back to the record player to start again. Neither had noticed Frank behind them and he was too wasted to make much of the exchange. Now he was viewing the results of all those little sessions, mystified at the perseverance and dedication of earthlings. How must it feel to commit? To take responsibility? To…_work _for something? And here his little mouse had shown these traits, the same little mouse he so often called "worthless" "lazy" and a plethora of other insulting things. To see how wrong he had been was almost as infuriating as her sneaking out and cavorting with that punk Eddie behind his back.

As the song neared the end, Columbia's routine never slowed down and she happily drowned out the "boo's" from a few stray hecklers with her taps. Before Frank or Eddie knew it, she was tapping backwards offstage as the music faded and broken applause filled the house. The emcee burst through the traveler curtain with notecards in hand and attempted to get a second round of applause out of the crowd, which resulted in even less enthusiasm than before, minus Eddie clapping loudly and whistling through his fingers, hoping she was still within earshot to hear. Unfortunately, so was Frank, and he spotted the biker right as he was sneaking backstage.

Columbia rushed backstage to grab her bag and was scanning the area for Eddie as she ran into Manny.

"You done good, kid. Better than 'Rico the Magnificent' anyway. That beefy guy up front in the leather jacket seemed to like it."

Columbia's eyes lit up. "Oh, that's my-!" She stopped herself before saying 'boyfriend'. While it was still left unsaid, she didn't want to put a label where there was a fear of it getting ripped off. That had happened with Frank, clearly, and she wasn't going to be made a fool again.

"My, uh, date. T-to the show. You know, for afterwards. He came to see me is what I mean. And now we're going out." Columbia grew more frustrated with each phrase and Manny seemed amused as she groaned and spit a "You know what I mean!" in his direction as she took off and slammed directly into Eddie.

"Whoa, there, dollface, slow down!" He exclaimed as Columbia registered who she had run into.

"Eddie! What did you think of my act?"

"You were incredible up there! Now I know why you spent all that time practicing. 'Course, it didn't beat makin' out, but I'm glad you did. You deserved it."

Columbia blushed almost through her makeup and promptly swept the exchange with Manny under the rug. She was happy with Eddie; why add pressure just because she wasn't sure of their status?

"Aw, ya big sap. I think _you _deserve a kiss!" She leaned up to grab his collar and their lips stayed locked as he reached down to pick her up wedding-style. A few other performers backstage whistled in approval. The dreamlike feeling only lasted for a second before it turned into a nightmare as Eddie lowered Columbia and the two were faced with Frank.

Columbia's eyes widened as Frank roughly grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her forward.

"Did you honestly think that I wouldn't find out about this, Columbia?! You're more idiotic than I ever dreamed if you did! And to sneak around _my _home with _my _lover as if I were willing to share! You belong to ME and ME only. I am your Master as I am EVERYONE'S Master and you have been warned not to explore other relationships when you are mine. It's a good thing I grew tired of you months ago anyway; you're a wretched little Earthling toy and I couldn't care less if you live or die, but what you do behind closed doors will include me if you want to take up residence in my castle."

That last statement was enough to make Eddie stop holding his tongue and he stepped back as if to throw a punch, but soon realized the onlookers from a distance would think he was hitting a girl. He managed to keep his voice low and threatening as he glared daggers.

"You have no right to speak to her that way you disgusting bastard; just what do you think I would do to you if you hurt her? Huh? If you hurt MY girlfriend? She doesn't belong to you; she got mixed up with you by chance just like I did and I bet she regrets it just as much you slimy-"

"ENOUGH!" Frank boomed. "Your opinion was not asked for, you degenerate mass. Don't bother coming home tonight as you no longer have one! And if you do, prepare to be greeted by Magenta's hounds!"

With that, Frank proceeded to yank Columbia towards the back door as she looked back at Eddie, defeated and tear-stained. All he could do was give her a look of determination that said "Hang on, I won't leave you." He'd hoped the message was well received. As Frank continued to lecture her, pulling her nearer to the parking lot, she couldn't help but tune him out as one word replayed in her memory: _girlfriend. _

Eddie was trying to wrap his head around what just happened and come up with a plan, one that wouldn't be foiled by Frankie this time. He had to talk to her. He had to do _something. _Manny came shuffling backstage and sighed.

"Oh good, I was afraid I'd have to call the cops on you people! At least that tap dancer's mother finally quit her yellin' and took the poor kid home."

**Aaaaand scene! Wow, that was long! But hopefully it helped to make up for the wait! I wanted to end with a little bit of comedy from Manny (obviously an OC and one I came up with on a whim) since it got dramatic there for a minute. I had a hard time coming up with Frank's speech/rant at the end for some reason, so more feedback on his characterization would be lovely. Oh, and hope you enjoyed the little Brad and Janet cameo at the beginning! Those crazy kids. Only one more chapter after this!**


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